You wrote down something, and then erased it, you wrote it again, then erased it. After rewriting it for the 3rd time, you still didn’t like it so erased it. You now spent 30 minutes doing this same process of writing and erasing.
Perfectionism is when you want to appear perfect and strive to be flawless, it’s when you cannot accept any standard below than perfection.
You might think that striving for perfection is good, but no, it’s not. It’s the total opposite, it’s unhealthy and it leads to unhappiness. The concept of being perfect is wrong, since it’s unachievable, you can never achieve perfection.
Aware of it or not, being a perfectionist or trying to be so gives you a bit of this trait called, arrogance. Why? You think you can reach perfection just by doing something over and over. You think that being perfect is achievable. You don’t want to accept that you are just like all other human beings. We are incomplete, and we will never be. Everyone made mistakes and will still make mistakes, no one can be perfect. So, the thought that you can be different from all human beings throughout the years who didn’t achieve perfection is what makes you have a bit of the trait, arrogance.
There are 3 kinds of perfectionism,
The first one is: self-oriented perfectionists which is expecting yourself to be perfect. You set high expectations for yourself and you get negative feelings when those expectations aren’t met.
The second one is: other-oriented perfectionists which is expecting others to be perfect. You set high standards for others, this can impact negatively on your relationships.
The third on is: socially prescribed perfectionists which is when others expect you to be perfect. Or you feel pressured and you worry that others would reject you, so your standards come from family, friends, instructors, society etc.
The cause for most perfectionists is the fear of not being enough and insecurities.
Striving for perfection makes you look at the end result not the steps and the joy of doing something. Perfection also makes you refuse to accept failure. It gives you this idea about failure, that its wrong and it can never happen. However, this idea is completely wrong. You can never achieve something without making mistakes, hearing ‘harsh judgments’ and doing multiple trials.
Trying to be perfect leads to a lot of negative feelings such as dissatisfaction, procrastination, depression and anxiety.
If you are trying to make yourself and every aspect of your life perfect, you will often feel dissatisfied. Since only perfection will satisfy you and anything under that standard you call ‘perfection’ you will refuse to accept.
Procrastination! Knowing that the task you will start have to be perfect and it will take you a lot of time to master will make you procrastinate. You will delay all tasks that will take you twice the effort to perfect. With that being said, you will never be productive if you look for perfection. You should never aim to be perfect but rather better than before.
You will get depressed, and you will feel sad because you aren’t the type of person you wanted to be or because you don’t have the things you dreamed of.
Whenever you are working on a task you keep going on it over and over wanting to get everything perfect, you worry if something could go wrong and you will always have this small creature inside of you giving you anxiety.
Getting things done is better than being stuck doing one task trying to make it perfect.
While reading this article you might have found some similarities between perfectionism and OCD (obsession compulsive disorder). OCD is a disorder where people have unwanted thoughts and sensations that drive them to do something repetitively, it’s the urge to do something over and over again. OCD and perfectionism are not the same, however at some point they can overlap. OCD can be the extreme version of perfectionism. OCD leads to anxiety, fear and distress. People with OCD know that their behavior is problematic, but they cant stop, on the other hand perfectionists have it as a way of living.
How do you get rid of this idea of being perfect?
You need to first do the most obvious thing, be honest with yourself. Look at your behavior and judge it, see if you repeat a task till you feel like its good enough, see if the normal time to finish this task takes you double or more the time to compete it. The next thing you should do is ask yourself and try to find out thethe reason for those not realistic standards. You can then try embracing imperfection, make your goal imperfection. Don’t focus on the details and do actions, do progress. You should start putting deadlines or make up a reason for you to move on and leave the task you are stuck on redoing. Lastly, don’t do multiple tasks at the same time. You are wasting your energy and it gives you stress.
Lastly, perfectionism is a negative behavior, it never leads to success, it only leads to depression and other negative feelings. Embrace imperfection and strive for better. Do progress not perfection. And remember perfection is not something you are born with, that will never leave you. Perfection is a trait and you can always get rid of it.
